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If one of the marriage partners becomes a non-committed Christian then you can divorce him / her? Is that what you are saying?

I believe a faith marriage would be sanctified by God, a 'regular' marriage would be a legal marriage. If both people are committed, they should be one in the same. God says to follow the laws of the land, and therefore to be recognized by both God (faith) and the laws of the land (regular) the marriage should have a legal license of the land and performed in the 'church'.


However, I have seen 'Christians' who participate in a 'regular' marriage who do not really have a 'faith' marriage. Let me explain:

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Ephesians 5:25 states "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy..." and

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Ephesians 5:28 states that the husband should love their wives as their own bodies.

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Ephesians 5:31 " For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"

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We had a situation where the couple was married in the church and they both said they were Christian. However, the husband had expensive hobbies that took both time and money away from the family, was very selfish about taking care of himself much, much better (to be polite) than his wife and kids.

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He neglected taking care of the home, and when he was there he yelled at and intimidated his wife and children and belittled his wife in front of the children. He also threatened the wife against leaving, scaring her into staying for fear of losing the children.

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To make matters worse, he insisted that she sign a form saying that his property going into the marriage remained his while her savings and property came under control of him. He had his own business and was able to siphon funds to his hobbies and did not 'allow' his wife access to all of the bank accounts.

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Obviously, this man had no intention of loving his wife as Christ loved the church, but was very self-centered. was not showing his wife that he loved her, she was merely a tool. After several years she finally had enough and gathered the courage to seek help from the local church.

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The man justified himself with Ephesians 5:22 and said that because she had to submit to him, he should have total financial control as well as personal freedom to pursue whatever he felt like doing. He saw nothing wrong with letting the home go unrepaired, making the wife humble herself (submit) to ask for money when she or the children wanted something, and saw his yelling and intimidation as a way to make her submit.

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The church agreed that this man was only using his 'wife/slave', and helped the lady and children get away from him. This marriage was never a 'faith' marriage, but rather a master / slave situation. There was no love, trust or sharing.

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Needless to say, this man is now lonely, and the state is forcing him to pay his ex-wife and his children the support he should have freely given in the first place.

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Quote:

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If the other party wants to stay together then you are supposed to cooperate.

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What if the other party does not want to stay together? We are supposed to love as Christ loves the Church. Does that mean if the other party wants to leave then it is wrong to try to get them to stay? Although Christ grieves when someone walks away from Him, he never threatens or forces someone to stay in a relationship with him.

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This is not Biblical grounds for divorce

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I strongly disagree, as did the church. The bible says 'the two become one'. This does not refer only to a physical relationship, but in everything.

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Becoming one means physical as well as financial.

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This man obviously was not committed to the marriage if he is holding back by making his wife sign that his property remains his.

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Also, as one, neither should withhold any financial knowledge or access from the other. Separate, secret, inaccessable accounts indicate that he was unwilling to become one with his wife except physically. One person having total control is not a marriage, it is a dictatorship.

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Siphoning off money from a business or withholding knowledge is a sin, it is a lie.

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If the person is unable / unwilling to become one in all aspects, it is not a real marriage.

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So maybe an anullment was in order instead?

Would you have not intervened in this situation other than tell the husband to communicate and pray?

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The bible does not allow a man or a woman to have total control over his wife or her husband. Neither is given total control over the finances and household. Marriage is a commitment. Just because the wife stays home to take care of the children and the husband works to make the money does not give him the kind of control we are talking about. It is not his money, it is their money.

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And yes, she did have a house, but no, he would not make repairs or allow repairs to be done because he did not want to spend hismoney. He chose instead to spend his time and money on expensive hobbies, and he put a mortgage on the home and used up the savings account to pursue his hobbies.

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I don't have an axe to grind against this man, he is reaping the rewards of his selfishness. My point is that I have seen this happen way too many times where Christian men use the 'submission' verse become dictators. Very sadly, this makes the rest of the truly Christian men look bad.

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As a note - I have another post that asks for suggestions regarding ways to uplift, show respect and love for your spouse. Check it out. Everyone seems to be very quiet on this subject. I believe we should share postive ideas on marriage, to encourage other believers, especially in marriage where Satan loves to attack. So please go there and share some positive ideas that the rest of us can benefit from!