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Unregistered(d) |
faith marriage |
Lead | |
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Can you tell me the difference between faith marriage and regular marriage?
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N789DB |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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What is Faith marriage? Sounds like a new buzz word.
Marriage should only occur between commited Christians. A Christian should never marry a non Christian or an uncommited one. Once married and only one party is a Christian only biblical grounds are acceptable for divorce. |
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SearchingForTruth8 |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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If one of the marriage partners becomes a non-committed Christian then you can divorce him / her? Is that what you are saying?
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N789DB |
Re: faith marriage | ||
Quote: No, the Bible does not give those grounds for divorce. If the other party wants to stay together then you are supposed to cooperate. The exceptions are clearly given in the Bible. |
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SearchingForTruth8 |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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I believe a faith marriage would be sanctified by God, a 'regular' marriage would be a legal marriage. If both people are committed, they should be one in the same. God says to follow the laws of the land, and therefore to be recognized by both God (faith) and the laws of the land (regular) the marriage should have a legal license of the land and performed in the 'church'.
However, I have seen 'Christians' who participate in a 'regular' marriage who do not really have a 'faith' marriage. Let me explain: Ephesians 5:25 states "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy..." and Ephesians 5:28 states that the husband should love their wives as their own bodies. Ephesians 5:31 " For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" We had a situation where the couple was married in the church and they both said they were Christian. However, the husband had expensive hobbies that took both time and money away from the family, was very selfish about taking care of himself much, much better (to be polite) than his wife and kids. He neglected taking care of the home, and when he was there he yelled at and intimidated his wife and children and belittled his wife in front of the children. He also threatened the wife against leaving, scaring her into staying for fear of losing the children. To make matters worse, he insisted that she sign a form saying that his property going into the marriage remained his while her savings and property came under control of him. He had his own business and was able to siphon funds to his hobbies and did not 'allow' his wife access to all of the bank accounts. Obviously, this man had no intention of loving his wife as Christ loved the church, but was very self-centered. was not showing his wife that he loved her, she was merely a tool. After several years she finally had enough and gathered the courage to seek help from the local church. The man justified himself with Ephesians 5:22 and said that because she had to submit to him, he should have total financial control as well as personal freedom to pursue whatever he felt like doing. He saw nothing wrong with letting the home go unrepaired, making the wife humble herself (submit) to ask for money when she or the children wanted something, and saw his yelling and intimidation as a way to make her submit. The church agreed that this man was only using his 'wife/slave', and helped the lady and children get away from him. This marriage was never a 'faith' marriage, but rather a master / slave situation. There was no love, trust or sharing. Needless to say, this man is now lonely, and the state is forcing him to pay his ex-wife and his children the support he should have freely given in the first place. |
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N789DB |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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This is not Biblical grounds for divorce, It might be unhappy even misserable but no matter the Bible is clear. Unless there is much more to the story than you have told, the church was wrong to support such a move. The church should have attempted to correct this man and to discepline him but the story you tell does not justify divorce.
As for your faith marriage definition a marriage is a marriage and is subject to the Bible standards, there is no distinction. He did require some things of her which she should have refused. None of use have the "faith marriage" as you desribe it we are all to a varying degree guilty of failing in those verses. For some its mostly the wife for others the husband. |
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SearchingForTruth8 |
Grounds for divorce | ||
Quote: What if the other party does not want to stay together? We are supposed to love as Christ loves the Church. Does that mean if the other party wants to leave then it is wrong to try to get them to stay? Although Christ grieves when someone walks away from Him, he never threatens or forces someone to stay in a relationship with him. |
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N789DB |
Re: Grounds for divorce | ||
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That is addressed in the Bible as well. You are not able, required or supposed to stop them.
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SearchingForTruth8 |
Grounds for divorce | ||
Quote: I strongly disagree, as did the church. The bible says 'the two become one'. This does not refer only to a physical relationship, but in everything. Becoming one means physical as well as financial. This man obviously was not committed to the marriage if he is holding back by making his wife sign that his property remains his. Also, as one, neither should withhold any financial knowledge or access from the other. Separate, secret, inaccessable accounts indicate that he was unwilling to become one with his wife except physically. One person having total control is not a marriage, it is a dictatorship. Siphoning off money from a business or withholding knowledge is a sin, it is a lie. If the person is unable / unwilling to become one in all aspects, it is not a real marriage. So maybe an anullment was in order instead? |
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Davey |
Re: Grounds for divorce | ||
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Contrary to your username, SearchingForTruth8, I don't think you're very willing to accept that this search for an answer may result in learing you may be incorrect in your interpretation of Biblical marriage and divorce.
Does the husband provide for his wife shelter, health care, protection, clothing (not the clothes she would prefer, necessarilly)? Helping those who are financially selfish requires counselling and introspection through the Spirit, however, my guess is that the wife would not be content in simply giving the excess money to the church or the needy. Or even savings for their child(ren). I think you see where I'm headded. You've described selfishness by the husband and jealousy on the part of the wife. Poor budgeting, honesty, etc. all come down to communication and openness. Lack of communication, honesty and openness doesn't justify divorce. Every marriage would be in jeopardy and no marriage would be safe as noone is perfect. Marriage is permanent, communication breakdowns and dishonesty is not. You seem to have an axe to grind against this husband. You and the church have no place other than to pray and recommend or provide non-biased counseling. They appear to need to talk to each other and the Lord more and complain to church 'friends' less. |
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SearchingForTruth8 |
Re: Budgeting clarification | ||
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Would you have not intervened in this situation other than tell the husband to communicate and pray?
The bible does not allow a man or a woman to have total control over his wife or her husband. Neither is given total control over the finances and household. Marriage is a commitment. Just because the wife stays home to take care of the children and the husband works to make the money does not give him the kind of control we are talking about. It is not his money, it is their money. And yes, she did have a house, but no, he would not make repairs or allow repairs to be done because he did not want to spend hismoney. He chose instead to spend his time and money on expensive hobbies, and he put a mortgage on the home and used up the savings account to pursue his hobbies. I don't have an axe to grind against this man, he is reaping the rewards of his selfishness. My point is that I have seen this happen way too many times where Christian men use the 'submission' verse become dictators. Very sadly, this makes the rest of the truly Christian men look bad. As a note - I have another post that asks for suggestions regarding ways to uplift, show respect and love for your spouse. Check it out. Everyone seems to be very quiet on this subject. I believe we should share postive ideas on marriage, to encourage other believers, especially in marriage where Satan loves to attack. So please go there and share some positive ideas that the rest of us can benefit from! |
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N789DB |
Re: Grounds for divorce | ||
Quote: Whats done is done and all of these things may be true but are NOT grounds for divorce according to the BIble. An anullment is not an option either. No-one here says the huisband was right in his actions but that does not change the Biblical response. I told you in another thread how it should be handled according to the Bible with leadership confrontation. Churches typically want to pawn their responsibility off to the professionals (counselors) but this is not what the Bible requires of those in leadership. It is their job however difficult even though a professional counselor could be in the loop as well. Bottom line, unless she has Biblical grounds to divorce based on what you have communicated, remarriage is out of the question. Churches today rarely follow what the Bible says, because it would be hard and unpopular. By the way, there are always 2 sides to every story and most of the time they both were at fault to some extent. No-one is ever 100% at fault. |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Grounds for Divorce | ||
Quote: Yes, that is probably very true. But I've seen many 'Christian' marraiges where one partner has so much control over everything in the relationship that the other partner basically has no choices, they can't refuse because they will be intimidated or even beaten. If one partner is the sole provider, has complete control of all finances, and can ACT like a Christian in the Church (there by gaining support), then what can the other partner refuse? One example, I know a man that was considered upstanding in our church, could quote the Bible and Christian doctrine inside and out. Yet at home he would physically abuse his wife and children. (This becomes a bit more difficult to say that there are no grounds for divorce). The wife did everything she could to save the marraige, prayer, counseling, etc. Finally she was given the choice by the State to either leave him or give up her children. Everything is not always in black and white. |
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Mikeybotchie |
Re: Grounds for Divorce | ||
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livesinazoo, you wrote: "(This becomes a bit more difficult to say that there are no grounds for divorce)" I do think that a marriage situation becomes much more difficult and trying with physical abuse, livesinazoo, absolutely. But a situation like the one you've described should be mediated and worked through as has previously been discussed by N789DB and others in a biblical fashion. While your statement might hold some sway with non-Christians regarding the grounds for divorce, I think God has laid it out pretty clearly for us in His Word. If a person is a married believer, there really are only two scriptural grounds for a legitimate divorce: 1) sexual sin and 2) if a believer is married to an unbeliever that wishes to divorce the believer. That being said, divorce should never be necessary among two believers. I know that cases of divorce are complex and rarely simple to deal with or mediate. There are heartaches, broken lives, struggles, etc. While it is true that divorce always stems from sin, it is critically important for a believer to act scripturally even if they are the one being wronged in the marriage or they will also be guilty of sin in God's eyes.
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Mikeybotchie |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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Hi abby, welcome to the discussion board. You wrote, "Can you tell me the difference between faith marriage and regular marriage?" N789DB said it well when he said, "Marriage should only occur between commited Christians. A Christian should never marry a non Christian or an uncommited one." According to God, a believer is only to marry another believer (1 Corinthians 7:39 - i.e. "in the Lord"). That being said, I'm not sure if you are asking for this reason or not, but in case you are, most ACs (including all ACCA and ACCN "Conservative Conference") take "faith marriage" (or similar terminology) to mean that ACs are only allowed to marry someone of the same faith (namely, another AC). Additionally, some restrict "faith marriage" moreso to only be allowable either within the same denomination only or more limited to only the same conference. In the eyes of the leadership of these churches, any marriage by an AC to a non-AC believer would be considered a sin (being unequally yoked) and punishable by limitation to continued membership, exclusion and/or excommunication.
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Curious Onlooker |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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My understanding of the term "faith marriage" within the ACCA is that it means a marriage that occurs without dating and courtship beforehand, but is entered into in faith through the leading of the Holy Spirit.
CO |
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giant slayer |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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Hi Mikey: I sent you an e-mail. I hope you got it. if not, let me know.
Now to the marriage issue. In our society, the courts have pretty much taken the place of God on this issue. If a woman chooses to divorce her husband, he usually has no choice in the matter. Biblical grounds are not considered. If she is tired of you, she can dump you, and visa versa of course. The reason I bring this up is that in most conservative churches today, if a man is divorced, he is looked upon as anathama. Spoiled goods. a sinner. He usually is shunned, not allowed to hold the office of deacon or elder etc. All of this when it could be because his spouse decides without biblical grounds that she wants to be free. The man is totally innocent, but that isn't considered by the church. It's just, "you are divorced, so, you are unacceptable and probably lost. I have seen this many times in my years. It is not right. This probably is a little unrelated to the topic, but I needed to get that off my chest. David |
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Mikeybotchie |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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giant slayer, i got your e-mail and sent another one back. I'll write more later.
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OnlyHim |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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gntSlayer,
I see the "divorce issue" you mentioned as another misunderstanding of scripture. Did we get the answer to what "faith marriage" is? |
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SearchingForTruth8 |
Shunning divorced people | ||
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I have seen this too. It is sad. Divorce is looked on as an unpardonable sin. There are many, many sins mentioned in the bible, and Jesus died for them all. I have been apalled when others judge divorced people and ban them from leadership. Why is divorce judged more severely than other sin? Because it is public? Doesn't the bible mention something about not judging? Isn't that God's job?
The divorcee has gone through enough, where is the compassion that Christians are supposed to show? The bible says let the man who has not sinned throw the first stone. The leaders that bar divorcees....they have no sin? And where were they when the spouse is mistreated, when a spouse sins by not following the love and respect commands for marriage? There are worse things than divorce, Jesus never rated sins. |
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giant slayer |
Re: faith marriage | ||
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Only Him: Greetings dear brother.
"I see the "divorce issue" you mentioned as another misunderstanding of scripture." Amen! So do I "Did we get the answer to what "faith marriage" is" No we didn't. I am wed to my Saviour wherein my faith lies. I find no scriptural references to the terminology "faith marriage". God bless David |
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